Thank God for distractions.

It’s probably a combination of a strength and a weakness, but the flow of my youth ministry gatherings have always depended on the willing participation of the students who are there. Because of that, I am not known for what you might call “classroom discipline.” I’ve counted on the group having an internal motivation for listening to instructions, waiting until appropriate times to ask questions, and generally keep order, usually because they respect me or at least value what we are doing as a group.

This means that when I have students who are a bit more...disruptive….I don’t naturally know what to do. The typical cycle of emotions for me is bewilderment, frustration, anger, flustered, and confusion.

It’s not a great look.

In the last few years I’ve had a few students who have asked more than their fair share of questions, and had more than their fair share of disruptions. As a result, I’ve had to make some adjustments to how I run our youth ministry.

The first is that I’ve had to be more clear and concise in responding to students who are talking out of turn. Well articulated boundaries have been drawn, which has been good for the group as a whole, not just my more disruptive students.

But there is a bigger thing that has happened in my own approach to youth ministry, and that is that I have had the opportunity to re-establish which parts of my youth ministry are means, and which parts are ends.

The goal of my youth ministry is to help students follow Jesus with their heads, hearts, and hands. What I want to be doing is to help them to do the identity formation work of adolescence with Jesus as their foundation. I want to encourage students to allow their imaginations to be formed with the kingdom of God in mind.

But a bad habit that I can easily slip into is to think my job is about “doing youth group.” So when disruptions come, I have mistaken them for undercutting my ministry, instead of simply getting in the way of the lesson.

Of course, I plan my lessons and liturgies and gatherings to help accomplish my goals of discipling students, but when I begin to believe that my programs are the point, then I mistakenly think the students who are rowdy are problems, instead of the very people that the programs are meant to be serving.

As Anglicans, we have some of the very best resources for spiritual formation. Liturgy, the Church Year, the Prayer Book, and so on and so on. But because we have such an excellent structure upon which to form our communities, we have an even greater temptation to confuse that structure for the point. The point isn’t to be Anglican, the point is to follow Jesus.

Thankfully, I have a lot of leaders in my ministry who have helped me navigate raucous groups. We try to provide paper for regular question askers to write down their question so they can wait until an appropriate time to ask it. Or even to doodle if their mind is wandering. I’ve started to learn to make accommodations and try to help distractible students engage in ways that work for them, rather than figure out how to control them.

We all could use a bit of humility in remembering that no single lesson is going to be the make or break lesson in the faith of our students. In fact, nearly all of the content we say to students will be forgotten. But a harsh word to them for simply doing what middle schoolers do will stick with them for a long time - a lot longer than even the best formed lesson. And a community that welcomes fidgety teenagers and lets them know they are loved by God is a community that understands that the point isn’t youth group. The point is Jesus.

So, thank God for our distractions. For the students who just can’t keep that thought to themselves. Who ask inappropriate questions at inopportune times. Who fidget when we are still, and are still when we need to get moving. May they interrupt our best laid plans just enough that we can hear them and know them, and show them that the Lord of the Universe loves them and wants them to give all of their rowdy selves over to Him.

Andrew Unger has served in youth ministry for 12 years and is employed at All Souls Anglican Church in Wheaton, IL as Associate Rector and Pastor to Youth. Andrew is also a co-host of the Young Anglicans podcast.