Navigating Generational Differences

There are few things more jarring and daunting than being dropped into a foreign culture, having to learn a new language, and navigating your way around. The overwhelming strangeness of absolutely everything leaves one feeling unequipped or unprepared for each new day. This is where the church in America finds itself today. Yet we did not move to a distant country, our country and culture became foreign to us.

I mentioned previously that in 1996 my wife and I packed up our young family and left America to serve the Lord 4000 miles from the Chicago suburb we had been serving in. Though we knew it would be something of a culture change, we expected a common language and cultural similarities. We were naïve, underestimated the differences and found the first several months overwhelming.

The shift in culture that America has experienced has been so sudden and strange that it has left many youth and children’s ministry leaders scratching their heads. School teachers are experiencing much of the same.

For schoolteachers (my wife among them) there is a reality that most preteens and teens are experiencing significant confusion around their identity. Every day they have students coming into class announcing a change in how they identify as they try to navigate their world. All this is being driven by our culture.

For youth ministers, there is a clear sense that if they teach anything counter to the cultural narrative, some students will drop out of youth group. Approaching cultural issues is like walking on eggshells. Speak with the wrong tone or words, and student’s eyes glaze over. By the way, this is also the experience of most who are working with college students.

A rapidly shifting cultural landscape is not only challenging for those of us in church leadership, but also overwhelming to kids growing up in the midst of it. We are seeing epidemic levels of anxiety and depression among children and teens in America. The suicide rate has risen drastically. Studies are showing us that despite being the most connected generation, teens today are also the loneliest.

Professor and author Carl Trueman explores these cultural shifts in his latest book “Strange New World”.

“The generation gap today is reflected not simply in fashion and music but in attitudes and beliefs about some of the most basic aspects of human existence. The result is often confusion and sometimes even heartbreak as many of the most brutal engagements in the culture war are played out around the dinner table and at family gatherings.”

The generation that I am speaking about, known as Generation Z are those born between 1999 and 2015. They are the largest American generation. They are today’s students – age 7-23.

They are the least reached generation.

They are twice as likely to say they are atheists than adults.

Only 4% hold to a biblical worldview.

They struggle with loneliness despite being the most connected generation to date.

Nearly 1/3 of GenZ say they have no trusted adults in their lives.

35% say they have no one to turn to when they feel stressed.

Nearly 40% have no one to talk to and feel left out.

45% feel as if no-one understands them.

The bottom line is that kids today are growing up immersed in a culture that is post Christian, postmodern, and redefining what it means to be human. Kids today are driven more by their feelings than by facts. They are pushed to think that issues of justice and gender define their identity more than God does. They have been told that older generations don’t understand the world as well as they do. They have been sold the idea that they can create their own identity regardless of biology.

Now, given that there is a more significant generational gap than has been before, what do we do? I believe that we ought to make the most of the opportunities that are arising because of the needs and hungers of this generation. The research is showing a few things that open doors for a stronger spiritual relationship with younger generations.

1. Loneliness is a real issue for kids today especially coming out of Covid. We can be there for them and with them, a presence that will be significant even when it is silent. They want to be relationally connected with people. They are feeling the need to know and be known. We can step into that void.

2. Research says there is a spiritual openness that is increasing among kids. The least Christian generation is not the least spiritual. Many unchurched are exploring spirituality outside of the church. While they may be looking in the wrong places, that hunger is a good sign. The latest research is showing that today’s teens are very open to Jesus and the Bible even though they show less interest in the church.

3. There is a desire among Gen Z to make a difference in the world. They have been described as an activist generation. They want a cause. We can direct that energy for the kingdom and draw the next generation into gospel causes.

What does all that mean for us? It means we can be there for kids. We can meet them in their loneliness. We can tell them about Jesus and his impact on our lives. We can read scripture with them. And we can get involved together in mission and service.

I was listening to a podcast recently which interviewed a national youth ministry leader who described how his organization is teaching their folks to interact differently with kids today. I mentioned early on about kids’ eyes glazing over or other reactions if we raise the wrong question or say something that triggers them. I think this is a helpful way of thinking about our interaction with younger generations because they are immersed in such a different world. It is simply this…

Ask, listen, tell.

We need to be curious enough to ask lots of questions. When those we love are wrapped up in really misguided ideas, we do far better asking them questions to find out where those notions came from and why they think that way. We can dismantle wrong ideas with questions that reveal the flaws in the ideas. This way we are less likely to make them defensive or feel like we are being critical.

We need to be good listeners. David W. Augsburger said “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”  Sometimes just being listened to is all we need. When we listen, it’s helpful to use reflective techniques to let people know we are listening. A simple way to do that is paraphrase what you just heard as you respond. If you get it wrong, kids will probably correct you – which is great because it creates far more clarity.

Tell is not our teaching moment but our sharing moment. It’s when we share what we think or believe. Students whose lives you invest in look up to you and love you enough to value what you believe even when they don’t believe the same things. The fact that you hold to an idea is enough to make them think.

A final thought… The church is God’s family. I have become increasingly convinced that we need our churches to be like big families and our families to be like little churches. The church and family need to be places of worship, discipleship, and serving others. They need to be the structures where we experience relational care, God’s love, forgiveness, and truth. It is God’s family in which kids need to find their identity and have that affirmed. Christian parents and grandparents can spiritually serve as surrogate parents and grandparents to kids in their churches and neighborhoods and meet real needs where gaps exist. We have to expand our thinking about who we might be like spiritual guides to in our congregations as we embrace the idea of church as family.

(If this little article is helpful, consider sharing it with friends.)